#10: You need someone to talk to because you have poisoned the tea of all your colleagues.
#9: You need to suck up to them because your country has no nukes.
#8: You need to remind the public that your country is actually a country and not a joke.
#7: You and they share the same great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, and that’s why they have the same spaghetti hair like you.
#6: You want to fire your horny but ugly press secretary, so you make an error in your congratulation post.
#5: You and they were classmates in preschool and you want to show your dominance by reminding them that you had dated their crush.
#4: You used to suck up to this country, but they had dumped you, so now you want to flex your non-existence muscles and, at the same time, have faith that your security team can prevent your assassination.
#3: You are also a new president, but you are so inexperienced that you forgot your media post could be seen by the public, and that includes your former caretaker. So that’s why there’s a reply saying “I’ve always known my little Booby could be someone great. I still have pictures of your little buttocks!”
#2: You are actually the former president of that country but you haven’t turned your calendar for four years.
#1: You are desperately trying to pass your Twitter’s reCAPTCHA test so your congratulation post is filled with typos and started with “co-mmie!!!”
Zhihui Zou lives in Southern California. He has published a sports novel, and his story has appeared in Short Fiction Break. He is also an editor at Revolutionary Press. During weekends, he loves to play tennis with his friends.