My Curriculum Vide, eh!
Dear Sir/Madam
To whomever you are
and in regard to
Whatever it is
You are offering
I am very excited to apply
It is that which I’ve long sought
And to which
My whole purpose and being
Has been heretofore directed
To this amazing opportunity
Oh, what joyful chance
That on your advert I glanced
And know that my life
Will be so much enhanced!
For which I am ideally suited
Please find enclosed
So, I write you my life
Will fool’s cap suffice?
My Curriculum Vide
I beseech you
With motive most true
Commit
Comply
I swear, it’s no lie
Every word you will find
Has much truth in each lyin’
Sincerity, exactitudes
Straight talkin’ platitudes
Yours sins-early, onE man
To whom it may cons-earn
Date and place of birth:
Name:
Address: Education: Work Experience: Credentials
Was shaped, shorn, and hewed Accomplishments Suitability to the role How do you manage conflict? Former Employers For I exist but to please Reason for leaving your last employment So when they decide Additional Information I will rewrite myself (p.s. Also know that Is mise le me-ass,
no namE
I was born of a saint and a demon
Known as mama and papa to me
This was a labor of love for which I still pay
A mere product of others’ conceivin’
My name I recall
Was begun with a bawl
And had letters that needed
reclaimin’
I go by it now
as well as “I”
Sometimes “Thou”
And hisself, or him or
That eejit!
Spent a childhood as I might
on a derelict site
My own little
Garden of Eden
Was the apple and sweet boy
of the snake charmer’s eye
Whose knavery
Was found most appealin’
As night turned to day
Well, what can I say
I was ordered
to learn me some readin’
Graduated from school
Head packed full of rules
History and ’sum’ maths
with fool’s dreamin’
Was soon well cured of that
Learned “doff your hat”
It’s schemin’ your needin’
not dreamin’
Soon took to work
Learned how to shirk
But not when the boss
Was there perceivin’
In a manner quite rude
Knew my place well
and better
Knew to keep it
I made my own way
Kept far from the fray
Head low, well away
from the ceilin’
Never really took off
Nor came to shudderin’ halt
But kept pace
With whoever’s pace
I was keepin’
I am solidly
adequate
Mediocre in spades
Neither early nor late
In time keeping
Of such small account
That no career ladder will mount
Happily do your biddin’
or thievin’
Without a run or a crawl
Barely stand up at all
Invisible
When transparency’s most needin’
Have a forgettable name
And that is no shame
Just ’yer man’
That guy
or that there fella
Was never well-known
Whether comin’ or goin’
Will do what you need
without keenin’
Best done on my knees
Your life, I am here
For its easin’
But time catches us all
And soon the hammer does fall
I’d no longer abide
To make myself gone
Just be leavin’
I fade softly away
Won’t tarry, overstay
Leave
with none after me
grievin’
My life is a book
Which you can cook
Tell me what to remove
What to leave in?
From the very top shelf
Be whoever
Whatever
You’re
needin’
if you
Do hire me!
You
will
most
definitely
look
so
much
better
in
comparison!)
Strong
application letter,
shows promise!
Some issues with
spelling, however,
autocorrect can
sort that for us
Shows integrity
and honesty,
perhaps a little
naive
Shows good
self-awareness
Note: These are
not details we
require!
Commendable
appreciation of
the real world.
Undereducated,
but that I would
regard as a
bonus.
May need
supervision
Nuanced
understanding of
organizational
dynamics.
Company men
are seriously
underrated,
bravo!
Humility and
pragmatism,
refreshing
Not a
troublemaker
Very good, the
common good
above all else.
Excellent
example of
servant
leadership.
We all play our
part, will not
make waves
Shows flexibility
and adaptability,
could be perfect
for fast track
management
scheme
Call for
interview, may be
just what we are
looking for!
Mini-interview with Éamonn Ó Laocha
HFR: Can you share a moment that has shaped you as a writer (or continues to)?
EOL: The love of reading and writing that my mother gave me serves as an inspiration to me. I write in the hope that she, and others, might read what I have written, and feel better for doing so.
HFR: What are you reading?
EOL: Irish poetry and epigrams taken from the glosses of old manuscripts and other medieval sources .
HFR: Can you tell us what prompted “My Curriculum Vide, eh!”?
EOL: Multiple LinkedIn posts of performative compliance masquerading as “giving back,” “reacting to job appointments and promotions,” “Job advertisements,” and “Hints and tips – top 5 things you should do as a…”. They gnawed at my brain, scratched at my mind, and wore on my soul … (hyperbole, but …).
I was also looking for a job and putting together my CV for what is likely the 100th time. I was finding the process dispiriting and dehumanizing.
I wrote “My Curriculum Vide, eh!” to give vent to my frustrations and voice to my feelings—it emerged as multi-voiced, layered, and hopefully humorous.
HFR: What’s next? What are you working on?
EOL: I am working on more poems, as they come. Some in Irish and some in English, some in both Irish and English.
HFR: Take the floor. Be political. Be fanatical. Be anything. What do you want to share?
EOL: I believe that we do not have crisis in leadership, but rather a crisis in followership.
There are no leaders without followers. Followers make leaders.
We should take followership seriously. We must learn how to be reasonable and responsible followers. If and when we do, reasonable and responsible leadership is a far more likely and positive outcome.
Éamonn Ó Laocha writes in Irish, English, and in both Irish and English. He lives in western Canada and is originally from Ireland. His Irish poetry is featured in An Gael.
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Heavy Feather Review 