Friends and family keep checking in. Keep her safe, they say. Keep her comfortable, they say. Tell her we love her, they say. And you too. Early this morning, maybe 6:30, I stand in the kitchen making her breakfast, the dogs at my side—they herd me, sun-up to sun-down, are never more than a body-length from my feet—wait for the toaster to pop. The neighbor texts, How’s she doing this morning? A few moments later, my mom. A minute later—the toaster springs—her dad. I butter the toast, sprinkle cinnamon-sugar over two pieces, leave the other two alone. Something tickles my foot. I assume it’s a dog, but when I look down, a lightning bug scurries over my toes toward my ankle. Wrigley sniffs at it, nudges it with her nose. I tell her to sit. She does. Whiskey takes a turn to investigate but won’t get within six inches of the bug. I dam my ankle bone with my thumb and pointer finger, allow it to crawl across the joints and into my hand. The deep orange ridges beneath its wings, the tiny, whisker-like legs. It’s a wonder anything survives. Out on the deck, I attempt to fling the bug free, but it won’t relinquish its grip. I lift it gently with my fingers, careful not to squeeze. Years of tying delicate fishing knots, of practicing sleight-of-hand. I set it down on the railing, but it doesn’t fly away. It remains stationary. There are so many things I don’t understand. Let us know what we can do to help, they say. We want to help, they say. Thank you, I say. Thank you for this grace.
Gary McDowell is the author, most recently, of Aflame (White Pine Press, 2020), winner of the 2019 White Pine Press Poetry Prize. His other books include Caesura: Essays (Otis Books/Seismicity Editions, 2017); Mysteries in a World that Thinks There Are None (Burnside Review Press, 2016), winner of the 2014 Burnside Review Book Award; Weeping at a Stranger’s Funeral (Dream Horse Press, 2014); and American Amen (Dream Horse Press, 2010), winner of the 2009 Orphic Prize for Poetry. He’s also the co-editor of The Rose Metal Press Field Guide to Prose Poetry: Contemporary Poets in Discussion and Practice (Rose Metal Press, 2010). His poems and essays have appeared recently in The American Poetry Review, The Nation, Gulf Coast, Southern Review, Ploughshares, and others. He lives in Nashville, TN, where he is Professor of English at Belmont University.
Image: southernthing.com
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