I’VE BEEN A PERVERT FOR Many Years he says, smiling at us in the backseat. He tells us his wife is with child and that’s why we had to stop for bananas. He wears a blue polyester polo and porn sunglasses to give us a ride. When we get to the sex party it’s a farm decked out with flashing string lights and garbage bags made into curtains around decrepit mattresses where the deeds will take place. The girl with turquoise hair is coming in a few hours so you lie topless by the pool in anticipation. You get yelled at by the host for drinking an energy drink you bought alongside the bananas and then invited to the anal fisting that’s taking place on the barbecue table behind the house. You watch straight couples collar each other with bedazzled nameplates and foreskin wags in front of your eyes. Your ride changes into his Deadpool-inspired full body latex suit and the wife who is with child wears a golden gas mask. She’s the one who performs the fisting and you watch silver high-heels droop over her shoulders as she plunges inwards with both hands. The farm dog sniffs her lap with excitement. I’m So Proud of My Wife, he says smiling at us in our thongs and leather. The second time the host yells at you you lock yourselves in the dog cage and bite each other’s arms. A dominatrix walks her man in on a leash and lets his dick out of his tiny shorts as she puts him in the local pillory. The turquoise girl finds you there and says if you bite her she might fall in love with you. You figure it’s safe to give it a try. You’re high as shit and spaced out, watching the daddy longlegs stop frozen in the strobe lights projected on the wall. While you fuck her an old woman walks in and starts kissing her on her precious mouth but you’re not jealous. Your friend sits beside you and says You Look Good. You gather in the red light bathroom with the guys from the lube fight in the shower and inspect drugs you haven’t seen before in little hands. The last time you had a friend who watched you pee you ended up having sex but that won’t happen tonight because there’s the guys from the lube fight in the shower and you already saw each other’s tits in the swimming pool and nothing happened. Your ride sticks his head through the trashbag curtain as you fuck and tells you it’s time to go home, his wife is with child after all. You climb into the backseat of the car of the pervert of many years and he puts his cane away and his wife says she’s tired from the fisting and he says it’s from Junior kicking inside her and they drop you off on a street corner and you walk home with your nipple piercing exposed. I Had So Much Fun she says later, but your favorite part of the night is the silent shower with your friend. You leave the bright light on. After all, you’ve already seen each other’s tits.
L Scully (they/them) is a queer writer and double Capricorn currently based in Boston. They are the co-founder of and prose editor at Stone of Madness Press. Find them in the ether @LRScully.