Em Mingus: “Confession,” new poetry

 

I don’t know where to start
Or where you want me to start
But I’m here
And I’m trying
And I’m sorry
I don’t remember much of last night
Maybe I had too much to drink
We all make mistakes, right?
I remember there was a lump in my throat
And I remember being scared to speak
All the windows were shut and the air was stiff
The game was on and
My husband watched
He grunted when his team dropped the ball
He hated losing
The same way he hated cleaning and calling when he’s late and keeping the lights on when we fuck—
Forgive me, I’m getting off track
When I get nervous my hands start to shake
And I don’t know what to do
My mother says I should try knitting
Last night I was attempting a scarf
On the couch next to my husband
During the breaks he would put his hand on my thigh
I couldn’t help but think about how easy it would be to stab the soft spots between the bones and—
Forgive me, you don’t need to hear this
But I’m scared, you see, about what I can’t remember
Because I don’t remember falling asleep on the couch
Or why my husband didn’t bring me to bed
But I do remember my hands shaking
When I washed them off in the sink
I scrubbed until the water turned red
The color didn’t fade
But it matched the blood spilling out
From my husband on the floor
He’s sleeping
I tell myself
My hands are shaking again
s h a k i n g
Maybe it was an accident
Maybe he slipped
I’m sure he’s asleep
It’s okay
I should go
Forgive me, I didn’t mean to waste your time
I need to go see my husband

 

 

Em Mingus is a creative writing major and Spanish minor at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. After graduation her plans are to focus on a career in fiction writing and even dabble in translating. In her spare time she enjoys watching Jeopardy reruns and hanging out with her dog, Muffin. 

Image: musicandliterature.org

What’s HFR up to? Read our current issue, submit, or write for Heavy Feather.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.