New Side A Poem: “In Praise of Point Break in 15 Parts” by Drevlow

In Praise of Point Break in 15 Parts

Gary Busey says, Surf’s up, ace.
Says, Welcome to SeaWorld, kid.
Says, Just act stoned and ask questions.
Gary Busey has been a cop in LA for twenty-two years.
And in those twenty-two years, two big things have changed.
The air got dirty and the sex got clean, he says.
Drum roll please.
During his twenty-two years in the line of duty, Gary Busey has fired his gun nineteen times and he has no idea what a blind man fetching a brick from the bottom of a pool has to do with being a DEA agent.
Gary Busey says, Listen you little shit. I was takin’ shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin’ in your hands and rubbin’ it on your face.
Says, When I started in the Bureau, you were still popping zits on your funny face and jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog.
Says, Last time you had a feeling I had to kill a guy. And I hate that … It looks bad on my report.
Says: Speak into the microphone squid brain.
Gary Busey is so hungry.
How hungry is Gary Busey?
He is so hungry he could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino.
And then proceeds to eat two meatball hoagies while a group of surfers-turned-bank robbers he’s staking out proceed to rob the bank across the street.
How does Gary Busey know that the bank robbers who dress up like dead presidents are actually surfer punks in disguise?
Freeze that for me, he says. He points at a screen shot of LBJ mooning the security cameras after the Dead Presidents rob their thirtieth bank in three years. It’s the tan lines, he says, just look at those tan lines.
That and the fact that trace evidence from one of the robberies has been identified as sex wax, which, Gary Busey says, demonstrating how to apply sex wax to a surfboard.
And the fact that they only rob banks in the summer.
Gary Busey says, When summer’s over, they vanish like a virgin on prom night.
Swish, he says with a flick of his wrist and sound effect for virgins vanishing on prom nights.
Forget about it, kid, Gary Busey warns. They’re ghosts.
To borrow a line from another wry old LA detective, Gary Busey is too old for this shit.

Fact: Point Break is the only crime thriller in the history of cinema—nay the history of the world—ever to hinge on the identification of tan lines from a bank robber in an LBJ mask mooning the camera.
It’s like Chekov says: If there’s going to be a bank robber mooning a camera at the beginning then there needs to be a surfer dude mooning the camera at the end.
When Gary Busey’s character realizes that the surfer guy has the same tan lines as the bank robber from the beginning, he jumps up on an office desk and hangs ten.
The bare butt in question belongs to Grommet.
Grommet is surfing slang for a young punk.
It is believed to go back to the Portuguese word grumete, which refers to the lowest ranking sailors on a ship.
In many ways, Johnny Utah could be considered his own kind of FBI-under-cover-surfer grommet.
Eat your heart out, Chekov.

The problem with young punks/grommets like Johnny Utah can be summed up thusly:
You know nothing. In fact, you know less than nothing. If you even knew that you knew nothing, that would be something, but you don’t.
And thusly:
You’re a real blue flame special, aren’t you, son? Young, dumb and full of come.
With blue flame special being cop slang for a young hot shot.
There is some debate as to whether it refers to the blue outer portion of an open flame which burns the hottest (hence the hot shot).
Or: intestinal gasses said to light up when released from the body and touched by the flame of a match.
Or: a bastardized combination of blue-plate special (AKA a discounted meal) and the practice of blue flaming (AKA lying on your back with your legs splayed and lighting your fart on fire).
Take your pick.

Keanu Reeves’ character is supposedly an ex-Rose Bowl-winning Ohio State quarterback named Johnny Utah.
It takes a while to figure out if this is his actual character’s name or a nickname or his undercover code name.
It is his actual name.
Which he also goes by when he is undercover.
The screenwriters apparently liked his name so much they originally named the movie Johnny Utah before finally settling on Point Break, which actually sounds like a surfing movie and not a spaghetti western with a snappy theme song.
At one point, Johnny Utah introduces himself to his future love interest, shouting, Hey, I’m Johnny Utah! and then his future love interest yells Who cares? over her shoulder and surfs away.
His future love interest being Lori Petty playing a female character named Tyler who has the same haircut as Keanu/Johnny.
At one point, Keanu/Johnny tells Lori Petty/Tyler, Fuck, why can’t I ever say what I mean? and Lori Petty/Tyler says, Shh, you don’t have to and they have sex on the beach and all the sand gets in their naughty parts.

It’s worth noting that Keanu Reeves, Mister Future John Wick, gets his ass kicked in every fight scene in the movie.
Including the scene where they raid the drug house of Nazi surfers War Child and Tone (played by Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers) wherein a random naked chick comes out of the shower, throws Keanu/Johnny back into a mirror, knees him in the groin, and pummels him to the ground.
This is the only instance of female nudity in the movie.
It is also the scene where Tone literally shoots himself in the foot.
Of the many things that director Kathryn Bigelow brings to the movie, subtlety is not one of them.

Katherine Bigelow’s portrayal of the male characters in Point Break is the peak of female gaze movies, someone wrote somewhere in some article I read.
Which is cool and true but it’s also not not the peak of gay gaze.
You might even call it peak Swayze Gayze.
Sadly, despite the plot revolving around the tan lines of hot taut surfer ass, we never see Swayze’s hot taut surfer ass (nor for that matter do we see Keanu Reeves’ not-quite-as-hot-yet-still-taut-undercover-FBI-agent-posing-as-surfer ass).

Patrick Swayze’s character is named Bodhi, which Lori Petty/Tyler explains is short for bodhisattva, which IMDB explains is a term in the Buddhist religion meaning an enlightened being who, out of compassion, forgoes nirvana in order to save others.
As Bodhi, the enlightened surfer/bank robber, Patrick Swayze says things like:
Riding waves is a state of mind. It’s that place where you lose yourself and find yourself
And:
It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.
And:
This was never about the money, this was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. We are here to show those guys that are inching their way on the freeways in their metal coffins that the human spirit is still alive.
And:
[Looking at his watch] Little hand says it’s time to rock and roll.

Keanu Reeves was not originally cast as Johnny Utah.
They originally wanted that beautiful beefcake stud athlete Matthew Broderick/Ferris Bueller.
Just imagine the female gaze on those tan lines.

When Keanu/Johnny finally catches Swayze/Bodhi robbing a bank dressed up as Ronald Reagan a chase scene ensues that seems to be a shot for shot remake of the chase scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off where Ferris runs through peoples’ houses, jumps fences, and backyards to beat his principal home.
Much like getting stoned while watching the Wizard of Oz to the soundtrack of Dark Side of the Moon, it’s fun to imagine the vaguely African-sounding bongos and car-horns of the soundtrack to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while watching Keanu/Johnny chase Swayze/Bodhi until he re-injures his bad knee and unloads every bullet in his clip in the air out of frustration because Johnny Utah just can’t bring himself to kill Ronald Reagan/Bodhi.
The African-sounding bongos and car-horns song from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is called “March of the Swivelheads” by the English Beat.
So far as I know there is no name for the song playing during the Point Break foot chase.
It is mostly just nondescript tom-tom drums from a synthy 80s keyboard.
I know because I used to have one when my parents still thought I could be a musician when I grew up.
I am not.

10.

But before Keanu/Johnny unloads his clip and lets Swayze/Bodhi get away, first there’s a scene in which Bodhi picks up a snarling pitbull and throws it at Johnny who then dropkicks it.
According to IMDB, no dogs were injured in the filming of this movie.
They rehearsed it with the animal trainer gently tossing the dog to Keanu over ten times from just a foot away.
According to IMDB the dog that Keanu then dropkicks is fake.

11.

It’s basic dog psychology, Swayze/Bodhi tells Keanu/Johnny after he kidnaps him and takes Lori Petty/Tyler hostage.
If you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that’s how people get hurt.
Patrick Swayze asks Keanu: Why be a servant to the law when you can be its master?
Then robs a bank.
Then robs another bank.
Then jumps out of a plane.
Then jumps out of a second plane.
Then threatens to kill Lori Petty.
Then threatens to kill Keanu Reeves.

12.

Asked on a Japanese talk show what the theme of the movie was, Reeves says, I guess it’s the breakdown and restructuring of a man and a belief system, and also the discovery of himself.
Added Swayze: It makes a statement about our society, in the United States, of giving up on yourself and becoming part of a system rather than staying an individual.
Eat your heart out, Ernest Hemingway.

13.

In the final act, there are not one but two scenes where they jump out of planes in an attempt to scare off/kill Keanu/Johnny.
Before they jump the first time Johnny says, We gonna jump or jerk off.
During the fall Bodhi and Johnny hold hands and play a game of chicken to see who will pull their parachute first as they careen closer and closer to death.
Bodhi to Johnny: Ninety seconds and we’re meat waffles.
Johnny refuses to pull the cord.
Bodhi to Johnny: Pull the cord.
Johnny: After you, Alphonse. I insist.
Which is a reference to a comic strip Alphonse and Gaston from the early 1900s by Frederick Burr Opper, about two overly polite French gentlemen who can never do anything without insisting the other do it first.
Which distracts from the larger point:
While parachuting in real life they would not be able to hear each over the wind whipping in their faces.
I saw it on the show MythBusters.
Which actually points to something larger and more important:
The mythos of Point Break in our larger public consciousness.
Just like Paul Bunyan.
Or John Henry.
Or Jesus.

14.

Let’s be honest with ourselves:
It’s kind of fucked up that Keanu/Johnny gets Gary Busey/Angelo Papas killed while protecting Patrick Swayze/Bodhi.
If for no other reason than:
Gary Busey was takin’ shrapnel in Khe Sanh when Keanu/Johnny was crappin’ in his hands and rubbin’ it on his face.

15.

In the final scene, we find Keanu/Johnny and Swayze/Bodhi a year later—both a year later in the actual film and a year later in the film itself.
Keanu with his hair grown out for his role as Ted in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey.
Swayze’s cut his hair short for reasons unprovided on IMDB.com.
Keanu/Johnny’s tracked him from down after going to every city in Mexico and finally caught up with him in Bells Beach, Victoria, just in time for the mythical 50-year storm Swayze/Bodhi has been waiting for all his life.
Keanu/Johnny throws down the Ronald Reagan mask at his feet and tells him he’s looked for him in every city in Mexico as well as other random exotic places.
In an Oscar-worthy performance Keanu/Johnny tells him:
You gotta go down …
You crossed a line …
And people trusted you …
And they died …
To which Swayze/Bodhi responds: Still surfing?
And Keanu/Johnny says: Every day.
After which, the final fight ensues.
Keanu/Johnny getting his ass kicked one last time.
But just when we think Swayze/Bodhi has choked him to death/drowned him and thus escaped the law once more, it turns out that Keanu/Johnny has learned from his many ass-kickings and has stealthily handcuffed himself to Swayze/Bodhi from under water.
Swayze/Bodhi: You know I can’t handle a cage, man.
Keanu/Johnny: I don’t care … You gotta go down … It’s gotta be that way …
Swayze/Bodhi: Okay … Okay … I’m screwed. I’m gonna go to jail. I’m gonna pay. And Johnny Utah gets his guy. Good for you. That’s good. Gonna be a big hero …. But look at it. Look at it! [Looking at the 50-foot waves crashing down]
Keanu/Johnny looks at it.
Swayze/Bodhi: Just let me get one wave. One wave before you take me … My whole life has been about this moment. C’mon compadre …. C’mon …. C’mon!!!!
Keanu/Johnny looking back at the Victoria police and various FBI agents coming down the stairs to the beach. Looks back at the 50-foot waves …. Nods. Nods again. The rain pouring down, soaking his Bill-and-Ted hair to his face. Holds up the key to the cuffs. Uncuffs Swayze/Bodhi.
Vayo con dios, he says.
Which translates to:
Go with god.
Keanu/Johnny watching Swayze/Bodhi paddle out to the 50-foot waves.
What the fuck, Utah? the Victorian cops shout in vaguely Australian accents as they rush toward the water. You let him go!
Keanu/Johnny: No I didn’t.
Victorian cops: We’ll get him when he comes back.
Keanu/Johnny [walking away, tossing his badge in the water]: He’s not coming back.
If the drowning FBI badge had voice over dialogue, it would be saying:
And …
neither …
is …
Johnny Utah!
Wherein begins the modern-day mythos of the great moral battle between Surfer and Man, Bank Robber and Bank Robber Stopper, Grommet and Surf Sensei, Id and Ego, Bro vs. Bro, Ronald Reagan vs. the FBI.
Which really should’ve won an Oscar for something.
If for nothing else than hair and makeup.

Mini-interview with Drevlow

HFR: Can you share a moment that has shaped you as a writer (or continues to)?

D: As with everyone, there are a bunch that have shaped me. But as this this particular piece, I have to say it was the first time I read Brian Alan Ellis. I had always felt like I had a bunch of random things that I was inspired to write about (e.g. Point Break and Patrick Swayze’s butt) but they never quite fit into any genre. Not quite poems. Not quite essays. Not fiction. Not even “hybrid.” But then I read Sad Laughter by Ellis. And then I read Road Warrior Hawk and Bad Poet and I was like: that! I want to do something like that and I just decided I was gonna write what seemed stupidly interesting to me and hope somebody else would have pity on my lack of poetry skills.

HFR: What are you reading?

D: Been reading a bunch of Sam Pink this summer. His book Early Stuff and then 99 Poems and now his latest Fantastic Fictions. There’s just something about Sam that is kind of impossible to describe. His stuff is so zen on one hand but also funny and weird and grotesque and aggressive but always full of the full range of emotions, and always zen at the end, even when it’s about suicide or murdering other people. Sam has been my zen master for about three months now. I may soon quit my job teaching to follow Sam around whatever city he is living in right now. I will be his grasshopper if he will be my Sean Connery.

HFR: Can you tell us what prompted “In Praise of Point Break in 15 Parts”?

D: Aside from the stuff with BAE from the first question, there’s this: I’ve never been a big reader of capital-L literature. Oh, I read a ton of what they call now “indie” lit and I read a ton of grit lit, but mostly now it’s always authors that nobody in Lit programs have heard of—or if they have heard of them, they’re the kind of authors those people eyeroll at. As a kid, I never read. Never wanted to be a writer. I just watched a shitload of TV. I didn’t get cable, so I’d watch things like Designing Women or Crazy Like a Fox or Jake and the Fatman When I first started in grad school I hadn’t read all the capital L-literary books they read, so I was insecure about it, but in my insecurity I would respond by trying to come up with random examples of low-brow pop culture to match their high-brow stuff. They’d reference Alice Monroe, I’d reference Golden Girls. They’d reference John Irving, I’d reference that episode of South Park with crack baby basketball.

Anyway, it eventually became a thing where I would just retell weird plots of movies and TV shows to whoever hadn’t seen them and eventually I was like, I’m never going to climb Mount Rushmore or visit the Parthenon or get published in the Paris Review, I need to make my random knowledge worth something. Hence, I started writing pomes/essays basically just summarizing the plots of silly movies and TV shows. Just call me the ChatGPT of movies/IMDB.

HFR: What’s next? What are you working on?

D: Well, for one I’m trying to convince somebody to publish an entire book of “pomes” about Point Break and Roadhouse, the Bruce Willis-penned movie Hudson Hawk, the lyrics to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” that scene in Wild Things where we see Kevin Bacon fully nude, and my love affair with Keith Morrison from Dateline. I’m tentatively calling it Goodass Pomes.

I’m also trying to publish a book about a murder mystery that takes place on a tour boat. It’s kind of The Love Boat meets Fargo meets Gone Girl.

A book of connected stories about basketball, gangsta rap, and awkward racial interactions called Honky.

For some reason people have not been so quick to pick up on these cash cows.

HFR: Take the floor. Be political. Be fanatical. Be anything. What do you want to share?

D: I believe in the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights where the whole plot revolves around Josh Hartnett attempting to go 40 days and 40 nights without having sex or masturbating which is all the more complicated when he starts doing laundry with Shannyn Sossamon. I believe we could all learn something important from that movie, I’m just not sure what it is. (Oh and it has that snarky dude from Royal Pains and Road Trip in it.)

I believe the Miley Cyrus might be the Johnny Cash for millennials. Listen to her throaty cover Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.” Listen to her cover of “Heart of Glass” (Blondie) and “Edge of Midnight” (Fleetwood Mac). Listen to her song “Flowers” which is basically a cover of Bruno Mars’ “When I was Your Man” (which used to be her and Liam’s favorite song before Liam started having sex with other women at their house). Plus she’s got that husky voice on her. Just imagine if Johnny Cash riding a wrecking ball, twerking to “Blurred Lines” on the VMAs. Of course, I am a 45-year-old man who loves Johnny Cash, not a millennial, so maybe take this all with a grain of salt.

I believe in the healing power of affordable bidets! Bidets for everyone! Bidets should be like Canadian healthcare.

This is just some of what I believe.

Drevlow is the managing editor of BULL, a lit mag about toxic masculinity, and the author of The Book of Rusty (2022), A Good Ram Is Hard to Find (2021), Ina-Baby: A Love Story in Reverse (2021), and Bend with the Knees and Other Love Advice from My Father (2008). You can find these and other works linked at thedrevlow-olsonshow.com or on Twitter/X, Insta, Face, and Threads @thedrevlow.

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New Side A Poem: “In Praise of Point Break in 15 Parts” by Drevlow

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