Flavor Town USA: “Boxed Mac and Cheese,” a poem by Mercury-Marvin Sunderland

today i made
boxed mac and cheese

on the stove
not the oven

but it was still edible
and the best that i could do.

today i called my mom and
told her that the doctor said

i need a hysterectomy

and she took it better than i thought

seemed to understand that
my pcos just isn’t worth it

when i’ve known since childhood
that i don’t want kids anyway

my mom warned me
that my uterus is more than a fetus-maker
and that i need to be careful
because i could lose abilities of sexual pleasure

and i said
okay mom
i’m gonna tell you something
that i’ve never told you until now

i’ve never had
an orgasm before
.

and it’s not like i don’t enjoy sexual stuff
but having a uterus
and having cramps every day
that remind me of that uterus
create a lot of my dysphoria

because i have really bad bottom dysphoria
and that has been a big factor
in why i’ve never had an orgasm before

and i think what’s really funny
about being twenty-one and a half
is how completely non-weird
that was to say to my mother.

like i’m not gonna tell my mom
about my sex life

but i still think
that it’s really strange
that i can just call her

about needing to get my uterus removed
and very casually state
that
i’ve never came before.

i do all my shopping at the dollar store
but it still makes mac and cheese

that stirs with that sound

i have only
slept with
two people.

the first one didn’t

but the other one did

and i think that’s progress.

today i made
boxed mac and cheese

on the stove
not the oven

but it was still edible
and the best that i could do.

Mercury-Marvin Sunderland (he/him) is a transgender autistic gay man from Seattle with Borderline Personality Disorder. He currently attends the Evergreen State College and works for Headline Poetry & Press. He’s been published by University of Amsterdam’s Writer’s Block, UC Riverside’s Santa Ana River Review, UC Santa Barbara’s Spectrum, and The New School’s The Inquisitive Eater. His lifelong dream is to become the most banned author in human history. He’s @Romangodmercury on Instagram, Facebook, RedBubble, and Twitter.

Image: iamafoodblog.com

What’s HFR up to? Read our current issue, submit, or write for Heavy Feather. Buy our merch.